I remember quite vividly the first time I wrote about the things that had happened to me and posted them in my friendster account. I had emotions blocking me and sending me nuts. Most of the time, the things I wrote are not what exactly they seemed to be. Instead I wrote them in my own perspective- like how I wanted things to appear. I never really understood the reason why back then, but now I had realizations swirling inside my head.
Now this scene occupies my thoughts- I was reading all the writings I have in my blog, and I realized, there are certain things I should not have written for certain reasons;
1. I should not have blogged about my pains and the things that hurt me in the past because whenever I read the pages, everythings comes back like they happen real time. It never helped me to move on and find the sweet side of life.
2. I only saw life at one side. I never really experienced seeing it at the other side which I believed shouldn’t be the case. If you talk about things you must know what you are saying. That makes me, less competent.
3. I know I could have written better. And when I say better, I mean that there are certain things in my life that are more worth sharing than the things I wrote.
and so I ended up deleting my blog account…
And now, this is the real start. I am not writing this blog for self-promotion like what other people usually do. I am not writing this blog for the justification of my decisions in life. I am writing this because after so many years of my existence in this world, this is the chapter of my life where I can truly say I have been healed of my brokenness, and that I found real treasures that have inspired me to see the beauty of real beginnings.
Now, I can look straight into your eyes, and into the eyes of the prying world and say that “Yes, I can tell you how life really is, I can honestly divulge it’s secrets, I can give you thousands of reasons why things are the way they are in my life, and I can tell you how I’ve learned and developed into what i am now
, and that I have right to say that I have a great experience to tell because I now have a taste of both worlds.
It had been years since deleted my first friendster blog account. Now I am starting over, hoping that the things I would be sharing in my pages would help those people who are now going through what I have been through in the past. I can never really truly say that I have triumphed over
the challenges. I don’t think I have much rights to tell you that I have succeeded in life, much as I want to. My journey is still on going, and I know I still have to trudge many rough roads and overcome my desire of giving up if I have to survive the tests of time. But I have something to share that I believe is worth sharing because my story might just be the same story you will be retelling in the future.
This also serves as my personal bridge to the future. People have only few years to live. We don’t have the privilege to dictate how much time we will be staying here in this land. It is my best desire to tell the people I love how things are today so that when time comes they will see the difference of my today with their own today.
Most of all, somebody has inspired me to do this. It is because of him that this beginning has become real. I had so many beginnings in the past. I always fail and stumble and begin anew. But for so many reasons I only seem to have beginnings and no endings which brings me into a realization that I never really began at all. I am stuck in the mud where I have always led my feet. When this precious inspiration came into my life, it was the time I decided to go back and make a real beginning- a beginning where I have a real ending in my head.
He came into my my life 9 months ago..I am counting for few more days or probably weeks to finally welcome him officially into my world. I only wanted the best for him, which explains why I would love to dwell about the great good things that come my way. I can never promise a smooth-sailing journey together with this precious inspiration who was given to me. Life has so many surprises. But because of him I was able to reconcile with my old self and I suddenly found reasons to live a better life. And this time, I am resolutely determined to maintain that kind of attitude until the end.
You probably know by now that I am speaking about my little angel-Daniel. Yes, he is that inspiration who brought me so much joy that I could not remember how emotional pain feels. I am overwhelmed and buoyed up, ecstatic to see his face.
It is because of him that I am finally, sincerely feeling God’s sweet graces pouring in me.
And so I will continue sharing my journey with my precious inspiration….
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