Memorable day

Whew! Daniel is still sleeping.Maybe I could share a short account of his birth.

July 24^th, 2009 a.m. I went to Dra. Mascarina to have my first check up in the province. My past check ups were held in Makati but for some reasons I decided to go home in the province for my delivery. For the past two days, I have been going to Dr. Mascarinas’ clinic but she was out for two days. It was on this day of July 24 that I was able to meet her personally.After the check up I was told that I only have to wait for few more days for my delivery. I was so ecstatic about the thought that I only have to count few more days. I could not take off my thoughts with my impending delivery. I was talking to my baby in my womb telling him to go out anytime if he is ready. Waiting for 2 to 3 more days seem like a lifetime for me.

That night I was chatting with Randy. At 11 p.m I was telling him I could already feel some minor pain. I thought I was just imagining it so I shrugged my shoulder thinking the pain was normal. At 11: 30 p.m I told Randy that I would be signing out of Yahoo Messenger to take my rest. And so I signed out.

While I was laying in bed the pain which I now recognized as contractions became stronger. I stood up and prepared my things, thinking that this might be it. I tried to go to sleep but the contractions are becoming stronger and stronger with regular intervals. I walked to and fro inside my room, and waited for few more minutes to wake up my companions.I was quite sure that the pain wouldn’t be a false alarm since the contractions happen in every 10 minutes.

So that was the start of it. Before I knew it we were in the hospital and I was being attended by nurses and physicians. I won’t go into the details of my labor anymore. The only thing I could say about it is that it was really, really, really painful. I never imagined it to be that difficult and excruciatingly painful.

At 5:30 in the morning, I heard the first cries of Daniel and I felt I was suddenly relieved of pain and heaviness. Finally I have my baby Daniel at my side. Half awake and half asleep I kissed him gently before he was taken into the nursery room.

A trip to the bathroom, a sip of coffee, a few minutes to gorge a sandwich…hmmm..These are just few of the things that I already consider a luxury when given the chance to do them. True enough, being a mom is a huge task. Now I am getting the real picture of it. Back in the old days, I was just a mere listener. When moms talk about raising their kids, it was like listening to an exaggerated litany of responsibilities and concerns. Now I realize they are not exaggerating things. In a week’s time, I can truly say that I am learning to handle the situation, and I know in time I’ll get the hang of it. And since time is running I have to cut short my “kwento” to take care of other things.

Buying time

A trip to the bathroom, a sip of coffee, a few minutes to gorge a sandwich…hmmm..These are just few of the things that I already consider a luxury when given the chance to do them. True enough, being a mom is a huge task. Now I am getting the real picture of it. Back in the old days, I was just a mere listener. When moms talk about raising their kids, it was like listening to an exaggerated litany of responsibilities and concerns. Now I realize they are not exaggerating things. In a week’s time, I can truly say that I am learning to handle the situation, and I know in time I’ll get the hang of it. And since time is running I have to cut short my “kwento” to take care of other things.

The Real Beginning

I remember quite vividly the first time I wrote about the things that had happened to me and posted them in my friendster account. I had emotions blocking me and sending me nuts. Most of the time, the things I wrote are not what exactly they seemed to be. Instead I wrote them in my own perspective- like how I wanted things to appear. I never really understood the reason why back then, but now I had realizations swirling inside my head.

Now this scene occupies my thoughts- I was reading all the writings I have in my blog, and I realized, there are certain things I should not have written for certain reasons;

1. I should not have blogged about my pains and the things that hurt me in the past because whenever I read the pages, everythings comes back like they happen real time. It never helped me to move on and find the sweet side of life.

2. I only saw life at one side. I never really experienced seeing it at the other side which I believed shouldn’t be the case. If you talk about things you must know what you are saying. That makes me, less competent.

3. I know I could have written better. And when I say better, I mean that there are certain things in my life that are more worth sharing than the things I wrote.

and so I ended up deleting my blog account…

And now, this is the real start. I am not writing this blog for self-promotion like what other people usually do. I am not writing this blog for the justification of my decisions in life. I am writing this because after so many years of my existence in this world, this is the chapter of my life where I can truly say I have been healed of my brokenness, and that I found real treasures that have inspired me to see the beauty of real beginnings.

Now, I can look straight into your eyes, and into the eyes of the prying world and say that “Yes, I can tell you how life really is, I can honestly divulge it’s secrets, I can give you thousands of reasons why things are the way they are in my life, and I can tell you how I’ve learned and developed into what i am now
, and that I have right to say that I have a great experience to tell because I now have a taste of both worlds.

It had been years since deleted my first friendster blog account. Now I am starting over, hoping that the things I would be sharing in my pages would help those people who are now going through what I have been through in the past. I can never really truly say that I have triumphed over
the challenges. I don’t think I have much rights to tell you that I have succeeded in life, much as I want to. My journey is still on going, and I know I still have to trudge many rough roads and overcome my desire of giving up if I have to survive the tests of time. But I have something to share that I believe is worth sharing because my story might just be the same story you will be retelling in the future.

This also serves as my personal bridge to the future. People have only few years to live. We don’t have the privilege to dictate how much time we will be staying here in this land. It is my best desire to tell the people I love how things are today so that when time comes they will see the difference of my today with their own today.

Most of all, somebody has inspired me to do this. It is because of him that this beginning has become real. I had so many beginnings in the past. I always fail and stumble and begin anew. But for so many reasons I only seem to have beginnings and no endings which brings me into a realization that I never really began at all. I am stuck in the mud where I have always led my feet. When this precious inspiration came into my life, it was the time I decided to go back and make a real beginning- a beginning where I have a real ending in my head.

He came into my my life 9 months ago..I am counting for few more days or probably weeks to finally welcome him officially into my world. I only wanted the best for him, which explains why I would love to dwell about the great good things that come my way. I can never promise a smooth-sailing journey together with this precious inspiration who was given to me. Life has so many surprises. But because of him I was able to reconcile with my old self and I suddenly found reasons to live a better life. And this time, I am resolutely determined to maintain that kind of attitude until the end.

You probably know by now that I am speaking about my little angel-Daniel. Yes, he is that inspiration who brought me so much joy that I could not remember how emotional pain feels. I am overwhelmed and buoyed up, ecstatic to see his face.

It is because of him that I am finally, sincerely feeling God’s sweet graces pouring in me.

And so I will continue sharing my journey with my precious inspiration….